out in vegas in the booth with diplo at xs [special report]

Last week I brought you my typical night out. This week, it’s our first PERFECT NIGHT OUT!!!!! Unfortunately, it wasn’t in NYC so in some ways I’m cheating…but isn’t that exactly what Vegas is for?

Vegas is my favorite place in the entire world. I love spectacle, I love kitsch, I love day-clubbing, I love night-clubbing, I love themes, I love magicians. I want to elope in Vegas on a joint bachelor/bachelorette party at this chapel (in case any reply guys reading this are taking notes). It’s Disney for troubled adults & theater kids. Luckily I’m both. When I’m in Vegas, I’m at my most powerful. It’s like when you charge a Tesla. Or Popeye eats spinach. Or the witches in Hocus Pocus sacrifice a virgin.

When I’m in Vegas, I can do anything, and by anything, I mean shake ass in the DJ booth with Diplo. And baby, you can too if you just believe in yourself,¹ and I’m sharing my strategy with paid subscribers.²

THE STATS

• Day of the Week: Friday

• Neighborhood: The Las Vegas Strip *special report*

• The Crew: Girls only! My college friend and sparkle of a girl, my brand new close friend due to this trip, Molly, and iconic new mom…literally breast pumped before coming to the club, Lucindy.

• The Fit: My go-to black mini-dress with a deep boob cut-out from Meshki. The vibe was MTV’s Jersey Shore.

• Home By: I blacked out of course, and I don’t know what time we got back!!!! 4am?!

THE PREGAME: David Copperfield & The Piano Bar at The Wynn

My night began as all perfect nights do, alone at the MGM, a cursed hotel, at David Copperfield’s long-running magic show. Don’t worry, I saw Criss Angel (for the second time) on the Wednesday prior. I want to kiss Criss Angel (manifesting!). He’s my one and only celebrity crush. He’s the mindfreak and the bodyfreak. But David, I respect.

I bought the cheapest tickets and was upgraded to the front…and the ushers were very systematic about it so I think that happens every show. First Vegas hack, you’re welcome. I had a frozen margarita ($18) and made a lot of meaningful eye contact with Mr. Copperfield as he made a man disappear directly in front of me. And then he made a lot of BIG stuff appear, which is kinda his thing. There is also a long section with a like off-brand-Baby-Yoda-ass-looking alien puppet that’s all about how he misses his dead dad (?). He has daddy issues, but we knew that! 10/10 pregame!

Then Molly picked me up and drove me to the Wynn to have a tequila shot and a glass of prosecco ($0 thank you, Molly!) at the sultry little piano bar in the casino while we waited for the other girls to meet us for Diplo at 1am. We met a nice sugar baby who moved to Vegas for a very old man in Real Estate (proud of her). AND THEN WE WENT UP TO DIPLO’S SUITE! TO WALK INTO THE CLUB WITH DIPLO!