out in nolita at the box

The number one club on every New Yorker in the know’s list is The Box. It’s notorious as the hardest door in NYC and inside is a mystery. My TikTok feed is full of girls in crop tops asking “how do you get in?” “what happens in there?” and “DIY this wedding seating chart with me…”¹ Just me?

I’d been once before when I was 21 and friends of a friend with a goth promoter who no longer works there, and I imagine must be dead or left NYC which is the same as dead. I once accosted the owner, who is also the producer of Sleep No More, Randy, when I met him at House of Yes. He told me even he, the OWNER, could not help me get past the bouncer at The Box. Jesus Christ.

THE STATS

• Day of the Week: Wednesday

• Neighborhood: Nolita

• The Crew: Jared Schwartz, bad boy comedian with a lot of connects, and three hot girls, glam DJ/Comedian Nina Tarr, one of my best friends & actress Chloe, and her roommate, also an actress ofc, Rose.

• The Fit: A cropped bustier top with tassels I got at a Staud sample sale, a black sequin Reformation miniskirt, and black platform heels. Rose, Chloe, and I all wore black to be safe. The vibe was blackjack dealer who does “under the table foot jobs” per Jared.

• Home by 4:00am

THE PREGAME: Ludlow House

Not only is Jared very well connected in the nightlife scene, he’s also a member of Ludlow House so, even though it makes me feel ill to say this, he was daddy. Thank you, Jared, for providing for me in my time of need.

At his request, I assembled an army of hot girls to go with us. I did feel, and it also makes me feel ill to say this, like Ghislaine Maxwell to his Epstein.

We met at Ludlow at 11:30pm to have espresso martinis and talk about foot fetishes to prepare for the night ahead…