out at not your standard lotería night in the east village
ganadora ganadora cena de pollo
LA! I’m coming for you! I’m performing my hour of stand up, PowerPoints, and crowd work (flirting) on Thursday, April 17 at 7:30pm. Tickets here.
Love, Sex, & Magic is back Thursday, May 1 at 8pm at the Arlo Williamsburg! Bringing you sexy stand up and magic with new full-time co-host funny & hot magician Mark Clearview. Use the code MAGIC for 30% off here.
Day of the Week: Tuesday
Neighborhood: East Village
The Crew: My girlie and Mad Realities development queen Sandy and my new friend, theatre director Olivia.
The Fit: Tattoo shirt that I was gifted on a internet show shoot that morning where we went on a date at a laundromat (coming to your socials soon!) with a miniskirt I’ve had for 10+ years and heeled boots. The tattoo shirt did photograph like skin so I will not be sharing any photos.
Home by 9pm
THE GAME: Not Your Standard Lotería at the Standard East Village
This is not a sponsored post per se, but it is the first time a venue has invited me to an event and covered my bar tab. More venues should invite me, I’d love to come!!!!!!!!!!!! I specifically got into comedy and party reporting for free drinks and no other reason.
The Standard East Village reached out to invite me to their take on bingo, Not Your Standard Lotería Night at NO BAR. I have a long history at the Standard that started when I was not even 21 and using a fake ID to get into Le Bain. I would like to go back and get into the water (and likely get a UTI) if any of my friends are brave enough to come with me.
Most recently, I was at Le Bain, and then the Brass Monkey, the classic Meatpacking twofer, with an unbelievably hot actor that I took a ZOOM acting class with during the pandemic who was visiting the city and staying at The Standard.
He DM’ed me at 10pm asking to hang out that night because he was in town, and I was like …okay…we’re going to kiss. We’re going to kiss, and I’m going to stay over at The Standard. Dreams come true. ZOOM acting class does lead to opportunities. Then, at the second location, two cocktails deep each, he told me he had a girlfriend (?!). She likes monogamy. He feels mixed. I was like…okay…you’re paying for my Uber. No kiss and even worse no Standard :(
NO BAR has great vibes. Hot lighting, sexy little booth space, and it’s just moody overall. It’s great for a group of fun girls, but would also be cute for a date. (Aesthetic: 9/10).
I immediately ordered all of the dips. I was the Tony Soprano of Lotería, but my Italian spaghetti dinner was the biggest girl dinner spread you’ve ever seen. Hummus! French Onion Dip! Fries with Aioli! AND Guac! No one in history has ever been more rich in dips. I drank an Into the Fire, their spicy Paloma, and the Haus Margarita, and was in heaven. This is what I would request for my last meal. (Yummy-ness: 10/10).
The Lotería is a traditional Mexican game similar to Bingo in that symbols are called out on a board that you mark; however, it is all in Spanish, the pictogram symbols are sexy (way cooler than numbers), and you need to fill up the whole card (not just a row). And like absolute idiots, Olivia and I called out lotería too early, after just filling up one of our rows. Estúpidas :)
My favorite symbol was the cunty little boot - La Bota.
Once we locked in, it was soo fun and difficult once the fab host, Iranipapi, turned off the subtitles. At first, they’d call out El Diablo, the devil, at a reasonable pace. No problem. It’s like Duolingo with sex appeal. Plenty of time to put my bean marker on the La Sirena, the Mermaid, or El Borracho, the drunkard. The board contains multitudes.
But then, after a few rounds, we got into 2x speed, no English translations, and I, former AP Spanish 4 student, could not keep up. I was giving symbol on my board, La Muerte, death, and not my usual, La Chalupa, woman in a boat. Sandy, however, pulled off an incredible win, bringing so much honor to our booth full of dips. She was gifted a tote bag full of hair products from that week’s sponsor. Unreal. (Fun Ass Factor: 10/10).
The bar wasn’t full - mostly couples, groups of well dressed gen z friends, and a table of the sponsors. But there were a few tables who were almost too good at the game. Like, they knew all the symbols…no problemo. Either their fluent or they go every month to have a cocktail and pulverize the competition. So though I worry I might ruin the amazing vibe by telling more people it’s happening, but like… if you go, you could win! The odds are in your favor.
One guy at the sponsor table was tall and had great hair (checks out…hair brand) so when we were tasked with switching our cards with a stranger, I beelined straight to him. He was like, okay, wow, you’re competitive. No, no, what you’re sensing is horniness. (Husband Material: 2/10).
I promise to not always give such a glowing review to a sponsored event, I will tell it like it is, but like, that was such a fun night. We ate a carton of French Onion Dip and screamed LOTERIAAAAAAAAA! What is not to love? They have upcoming events in April and May. See you there! I’ll be practicing my Spanish to crush you.
And you might just catch me hosting trivia in the same bar this summer. Nuestro pequeño secreto ;)
Where should I go next!? Leave a comment, email me, or send me a DM, and I’ll wait in lines, try the cocktails, and try my luck for you!