the night out party girl gift guide

the only thing I'm better at than going out... is shopping

Dec 17, 2024

Everyone is making a gift guide, and I’m soooo influenced. Multiple guides told me to buy a fish shaped lemon squeezer. I barely cook, and still I was like… add to cart. These are like scripture. So I thought it’d be fun to make one for the girls in your life who never say no to a tequila shot.

Please note that that links are affiliate and do put money back in my tight little pockets…but rest assured that anything I make will go right back to buying the stuff listed below for myself (if I don’t already own it). It’s a snake eating it’s own ass situation (hehe).

The Pregame Atmosphere

We all know that the party actually starts when you’re getting ready for the party…

I’m usually pregaming with a bottle of rosé that I accidentally drink most of before even leaving my apartment (oops). And if the glassware is cute, it feels less problematic (also oops). I’ve been eyeing these tumblers with little cacti in the bottom because they remind of the month I lived in Arizona with my ex-boyfriend and his family during the pandemic. Gooooorgeous flora there. And these confetti dot glasses that feel like New Year’s Eve. And of course, the sexiest glass is a coupe. Obviously…it’s French.

Shot glasses are also REALLY, INCREDIBLY, UNBELIEVABLY important, but I believe those should be collected from your travels or point back to special moments in your life. My most loved are from Ars Nova, the theater where I had one of my first internships and ten years later performed my play (!) and from trips to Las Vegas, my number one favorite place on this planet.

Taking a shot should feel sentimental and should always be toasting to something. Actually, and please steal this, if we need to get to the next location and my friends are being slow finishing their drinks, my favorite game is “toasts” where you just make toasts - silly or sweet - until every glass is empty. You mean you’re not going to sip to “our beautiful friendship” or the “completion of our pilots” or “Paul Mescal’s thighs.” Be real.

I don’t smoke because it famously makes me paranoid and think everyone hates me. It started when I was on my college improv team - IMPROVidence (A+ name for a team in Providence, RI) - and I’d get high with the boys and be like…wooooow…I’m the least funny person here, and oh yeah, everyone hates me. Meanwhile, the boys were literally sitting in a circle riffing about blow jobs. And not only thought I was funny, but wanted to kiss me. And yeah, I kissed two of them. That’s what improv teams ARE FOR. All to say, if you do smoke, I think it’s so chic to have an Edie Parker lighter in your living room (I like the one with olives and the one with shrimp, a reallll Sophie’s Choice. She was also choosing between martinis and shrimp cocktail, right?).

Candles obviously must be lit. If I wasn’t in credit card debt, every candle would be the Kacey Musgraves x Boy Smells Slow Burn Candle. Instead, I just pick up whatever is cheapest at Target and doesn’t smell like artificial flavoring.

Full Face

I’m terrible at make-up, which I think makes me look so much younger. If you can do a full contour really well, you kind of look 40. Sorry to all the Gen Z and Gen Alpha girlies. I love you. Try just doing one swipe of eyeliner and calling it a day, and you’ll look like an actual teenager, sorry!!

The only “foundation” I use is tinted sunscreen from Supergoop, anything else, and I promise, I would do it incorrectly and look like I was dressed as Dracula for Halloween. I use it even at night. And I get carded everywhere I go, so it’s working!

I’m so so shitty at eyeliner. The only way I can do a cat eye is if it is child-proof. I like the Rare Liquid Eyeliner because it’s like a marker.

I never get more compliments than when I use glitter as a second eyeliner. And again, the Urban Decay Liquid Glitter Eyeliner is a paint brush. I’ve been using the same bottle since college. It probably has bacteria. If I die young, that’s why.

I eat my lipstick within five minutes of leaving my apartment, but having one in sexy packaging makes it more fun to re-apply. I’ve been using a berry-ish red from Gucci. And I feel like a real cunt when I take it out of my beaded bag.

I had an ex-boyfriend once say “make-up is all about being shiny in some places and not shiny in others.” And I was like…so true, actually. And party girls are shiny. Glossier now has a Future Dew Roller-Ball highlighter which is basically a toy. And I know my night is going to be fun if I go out wearing the Euphoria glitter…um, I’m definitely going to make-out.

PG Essentials

When you leave the house, you have to think, phone, keys, wallet…charger, lighter, listerine…

You’re the most popular girl in the club if you have a portable charger. I lost this one when I lended it to a friend in need (I love my community) so I purchased a replacement next day. It’s that good. This is my safety net. This portable charger is the only thing standing between me and death… literally if I can’t order an Uber at the end of the night, I will not make it home.

Even you don’t smoke, you’ll be the most popular girl outside the bar if you have a lighter in your purse. Last week, someone asked for a lighter outside an erotic reading, and I was like, oh me, I have one! That’s how you make friends. Even better if it’s a conversation starter. I’m using an Only Fans one that I ransacked from their office that makes me laugh. But I recently bought this one shaped like a pepper. It’d be fun to have a pop culture one or bedazzle your own at home.

To be vulnerable for a second, friend of the newsletter DJ Nina Tarr once told me I had bad breath in the club (that’s a girls girl) and since then I never leave the house without Listerine Strips. They’re more effective than gum.

And if you have space in your bag, Alix Earle is right…her selfie light is really good. And if you didn’t get hot photos to post to Instagram for your crush to see, did you even go out?

A Girl’s Best Accessory is Her Smile, JK It’s Her Beaded Bag

You can’t shake ass all night if your feet hurt. Yes, I’m a woman in STEM…

The only brand of heels that don’t make me want to cut my feet off like the 12 dancing sisters, 12 dancing brothers Grimm’s Fairytale (side note: where can a girl find 12 hot single straight brothers in this town…I’d shake ass for that), is Circus by Jeffrey Campbell. It makes sense because my type, ultimately, is circus performer. I like these strappy ones with feathers, the metallic boots, and I wear platform heels just like these nonstop.

I used to collect Pokemon cards, and now I collect Susans. If I’m going out on the town, a Susan Alexandra bag is in tow. And people LOVE them. Beads are fun, they make people smile. This is my wallet. My I <3 NY bag goes with literally everything (because my love for this city is my best accessory), this rainbow crossbody matches everything I wear in the summer, and then if I were buying a new one…it’d probably be this floral one. So extra.

Wow, this section has shown me that I’m very brand loyal. Who knew.

Hangover Care

“You need to take care of yourself” - Hayley, my therapist…

After a long night of dancing and drinking, my skin is suffering. By far my favorite sheet masks are LOOPS, but unfortunately, I cannot justify buying them right now (the debt that I mentioned earlier) so I settle for these bulk boxes from somewhere abroad. I don’t ask any questions, I just moisturize.

And the only thing I want to eat when I’m hungover is a glass of orange juice (the main meal) with a side slightly spicy eggs. My new favorite hot sauce is Only Fans NSFW Sauce. It’s weirdly tangy and sweet. Like, it shouldn’t be this good, but my roommates and I guzzled down the bottle in a month (very slutty, very OF of us).

I keep Advil on my person in this cute pill box and, as for water, well I’m sipping on a pastel Owala Bottle. No, I don’t use a Stanley.Yes, I’m full of surprises.

Unrelated Random Sh*t I Love

And these are the gifts that I bought myself this year….

This year, I finally decided to get hair extensions. I go to a fab woman in Long Island City…and I get my ass out of bed at 8am for my 5 week touch up appointments (they’re always scheduled before 10am…beauty is pain, etc..) because the quality of her technique and the hair itself is amazing. It cost me an unspeakable amount of money, but now I wake up everyday feeling like a princess, and that is priceless.

My big birthday/holiday present (I’m a Saggitarius) was a commissioned painting of my literal nude body from Camille Hunt. It was an amazing day in her studio, naked, ass cheeks out covered in paint, and the piece is really beautiful so though we cannot speak of the price, loving yourself is, again, priceless.

Send this to your sugar daddy or your actual daddy!