out in williamsburg at alligator lounge

dive bar karaoke and a holocaust movie, the perfect combo

Dec 03, 2024

I’ve been asked to curate a writer’s retreat with Aweventurer! This would be sometime in 2025, we’d go somewhere fab (Egypt? Morocco? Bali?), do a lot of fun activities, and work on a Modern Love style essay. If that sounds fun to you, sign up for more info here!

trying a new thing where I make a little collage… is this cute?

The time between Thanksgiving and New Year’s Eve is so weird. I’m holding space for, of course, 1) the lyrics of Defying Gravity, 2) deep-ancient-hibernation-of-giants-style sleepiness, and 3) a need to rage…hard…before the end of the year. It’s too much for one girl to hold, especially if she’s only 5”2’!

THE STATS

Day of the Week: Saturday
Neighborhood: Williamsburg, Brooklyn
The Crew: Hot guy comedian & bad boy Garrett Williams and all of his close friends. I came in knowing… just him… and left besties with his band.
The Fit: Los Angeles Apparel cropped turtleneck & plaid pleated skirt combo with brownish Marc Jacob boots I got from the Real Real that really set off the fans on Only Fans… The vibe was Daphne meets Velma.
Home by 1:30am

THE PREGAME: A REAL PAIN AT ALAMO DRAFTHOUSE

I decided to start my night at the 9pm showing of the new Jesse Eisenberg Holocaust movie, A Real Pain, at Alamo Drafthouse. No one does it like me!!!! I didn’t specifically want to think about the Holocaust before singing karaoke - I’m not sick - but I have a subscription to Alamo which has been life-changing.

I love seeing movies in theaters, always have, always will, and everyone needs to get with it because the movie industry is dying!! This is my charitable cause!! Watch me run a 5k to raise money for Hollywood. They literally need it. But of course I’m kidding…I’d never run a 5k. I didn’t even for my dad’s prostate cancer…I won’t for Christopher Nolan.

I used to be a diehard AMC Stubs subscriber. My ex-boyfriend, a film guy…yes we watched all eleven Fast & The Furious movies together…and yes, I’m counting Hobbs & Shaw…had Stubs. But we broke up, and I broke up with AMC. Alamo is far superior.

I love a cushy seat and a themed cocktail. I love quickly stopping by Target or Trader Joe’s on the way in or out. We come to this place to laugh, to cry, to buy a candle. Sorry, the one thing I miss about AMC is Nicole :(

I’m seeing all the winter releases - Wicked (unreal, I cried, Jeff Goldblum can get it), Gladiator (bad, not even Paul’s thighs could save it), Heretic (villain Hugh Grant can still get it), Anora (favorite movie of the year, inspired me to get hair extensions and a metallic bikini…) - and A Real Pain was next on my list. And I have to say it realllllllly made me think about being Jewish in a way I haven’t in awhile.

Wait, we have a day just to take a break????????????????????? That’s kind of a good idea. And the fact that everyone wanted to literally kill us (not conjecture), and we’re still here is a miracle so you gotta live big (go to karaoke on Shabbat so actually no rest). And how can you know that and not find the war absolutely abhorrent and sympathize with the Palestinians? Warmongering is distinctly not Jewish…do you know what is? Suffering!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Also Kieran Culkin gives a career-best performance, and he can get it.

THE GAME: ALLIGATOR LOUNGE

So yeah, I Uber’ed to the bar thinking about my own humanity, covered in glitter-stained tears. I really did come to this place to laugh, cry, and care. Now, in retrospect, I wouldn’t recommend doing a glitter-forward eye look for a Holocaust movie…but I digress.

The occasion was hilarious and hunky comedian Garrett Williams’ half-birthday. Only a hot gay man can get away with celebrating a half-birthday. A white woman…the invite would be like “come celebrate my half-birthday by drinking chardonnay out of our Stanley Cups and complaining to the owner of a Pilates studio! In lieu of gifts donate to my charity to raise money for Taylor Swift to get better merch!”

it's not karaoke if there is no carrie underwood

The party was at 11pm at Alligator Lounge for Karaoke. This bar has been a staple since I first moved to Brooklyn in my early 20’s, actually a staple before I could even legally drink, and I was doing summer theatre internships in Manhattan and using a fake ID I bought from Billy McFarland, the Fyre Festival guy (a story for another day).

What I love about AL is that it looks like everything inside was picked up off the street. Oh, these old Christmas lights, this painting, this old ratty green sofa…yeah, that’ll all go perfect with our clown painting. Kinda like my ex’s apartment. Now that’s a dive bar. (Aesthetic: 10/10).

They are notorious for their beer & shot specials. I got a basic AF (white claw + shot of tequila) ($8), but what I really wanted was my own invention, an elevated booty shaker (tequila shot + tecate)…i.e. a tequila shot + corona. I’d call it… a booty on a pedestal. Every drink comes with a ticket for a free pizza. A shitty little microwave pizza, but that’s heaven in a place like this. (Yummy-ness: 9/10).

Garrett and crew overtook the entire back half of the bar from skeeball to street trash couches. I came knowing that I would be solo and maybe not know anyone other than the half-birthday boy based on the Partiful invite, but I’m trying to be brave. My new mantra is just go and make friends. My friends are sleepy, we’re in our 30’s, and it’s hard to convince them to come out. But that shouldn’t be a reason not to go. DON’T FORGET THEY TRIED TO KILL US! SO WE HAVE TO SING CARRIE UNDERWOOD!

And look, it’s karaoke which gives you the the best opening line of all time… “what are you going to sing!?” It’s fun, it’s flirty, it’s sharp. “What are you going to sing?!” Chef’s kiss. I asked a dozen people what they were going to sing, and I befriended an entire, actual band. A man sang “Love on Top,” and strangers and I became friends for life as we trauma bonded over whether he’d be able to do all the key changes. Almost!! Muppet territory on the last two, but that’s ok!! And he’s my friend now too because I asked him “What are you going to sing!?” He said “Love on Top,” and I said…”Oh. my. god. Really? You’re not!” Foolproof.

Everyone was adorable, obviously, and had mixed singing abilities which is preferred. I’m physically ill, going to throw up, when the people at karaoke are TOO good. We can have one incredible singer every 5ish songs. Until then, shut up. This isn’t FOR you. Karaoke is for people who are BAD to have somewhere SAFE to sing the Black Eyed Peas… And listen, if Fergie is featured, it’s going to be a hit. I heard “Fergalicious” and “Don’t Phunk With My Heart” within the span of 20 minutes. YES! IT’S A MIRACLE I CAN BE HERE LISTENING TO PEOPLE ATTEMPT FERGIE TO THE BEST OF THEIR ABILITY! THIS IS WHAT LIFE IS ABOUT!

AL is actually the perfect choice for a big birthday. Garrett could keep his cake and all of our coats in the back section away from the crowd in the main bar. Everything is affordable, and it’s very loose and casual. This particular karaoke company - Karaoke Rock City - did have one of the oldest websites I’ve ever seen for song requests, but I’m a little bit of a snob about song requests from hosting as a sub for Karaoke Tremendous…and like you can bribe me, and I’ll make sure you sing, which I think is important. This host was inscrutable, and I think a good karaoke host should be a *little* bit of a criminal. He should be able to be bought.

So, no, no one got to hear my “I’ll Make a Man Out of You” from Mulan. A crowd favorite and an acting-based song more than anything which is why I choose it. Yes, of course, I do all the parts and attempt the shittiest split you’ve ever seen at the end… but no one will ever know. (Shaking Ass Factor: 5/10 … we randomly were kind of dancing to off-key but committed renditions of ABBA, including one by a man in an ABBA sweater which is important).

When I went to get my pizza as promised, I was hit on by a skinny guy named Finlay (?)…it was hard to hear. His line was “you have a crazy bag”… because it was beaded? Why that opener when he could have asked me, “what are you going to sing?!” Amateur hour. He didn’t offer to buy me a pizza.. it was free… so I kind of said thanks and went back to the back… but I guess if I had wanted to, maybe I would have met a nice boy with a fake ID and $8 to get me a shot special in the front of the bar (Husband Material: 5/10).

The party went on to Metropolitan to dance… and I went home. Look, we have to rage, but we also have to rest. It is the Sabbath after all.

Where should I go next!? Leave a comment, email me, or send me a DM, and I’ll wait in lines, try the cocktails, and sing bad karaoke for you!

And if you have any suggestions of bars and clubs you’d like me to try, please get in touch!