out in noho at the nines

flirting up a storm at a jewish singles event...

I’m currently on a world* tour, next stop is Miami at Gramps on Friday, November 15. Please tell your friends, enemies, lovers, and exes to attend! If you know someone in Miami with a boat… I want to meet them.

And if you’re in NYC, Love, Sex, & Magic: Comedy Variety Show is TONIGHT Thursday, October 3 at the Arlo Williamsburg with one of my hottest magician friends and Drenched, weekly stand up comedy in the Water Tower, is back on Wednesdays at the Arlo Williamsburg.

*domestic US tour major cities only xo

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THE STATS

• Day of the Week: Friday

• Neighborhood: NoHo

• The Crew: Comedian girlie Blair Dawson, and we met up with the fab comedian/dj/party princess Nina Tarr.

• The Fit: Red sheer midi dress from She*n. The vibe was the three most important things to her are her 1) nail tech 2) car she got in the divorce 3) gun.

• Home by 2am

THE PREGAME: Lox Club Singles Event at Maxwell House

I’ve been on-and-off Lox Club, the Jewish dating app for years. You'd think Coffee meets Bagel would be the Jewish one, but that simply is not the case.

I’ve never really had much luck on the app, but one time I matched with Pitch Perfect’s Skylar Astin… we did not meet up, and ultimately he wears kind of weird jewelry and longterm dated a founder in the sprinkles space so I don’t think we’re a match. I do however, think the founder of Lox Club, Austin, is very hot, and that’s a big selling point for the app.

I once hosted a singles trivia event for them so I have been grandfathered into party invitations. The trivia was ultimately super fun for the 50 women that showed up. Men are so scared of events with activities… which is so weird because all the guys I’m seeing on the apps are “competitive about everything.”

This singles event was at Maxwell House, a social club on the edge of the Earth (Tribeca by the water), that shares a name with a low-budget coffee brand. I wonder if they considered that or if they are only familiar with Blue Bottle and Partners and Oslo.

just a bunch of hot jews

The aesthetic was very hunting cabin meets decor that you would inherit from your dead grandma. It was all birds and florals and turquoise integrated into just dark wooood (aesthetic: 7/10). I do wonder who is a full-time member and what they talk about in there. It would be a good place to gameplan about covering up a murder.

The party was packed with eligible Jews, which did mean every girlie was fighting frizz and there were too many guys wearing chains with the Star of David. That to me just screams, don’t ask him his thoughts on Israel. The guys were definitely not as well-dressed or cute as the girls, and they were all in pairs. After some investigative work, I realized, every guy was there with his cousin…

What was great though was everyone was being very social and introducing themselves. I had a How I Met Your Mother Intro (“have you met my cousin?”), guys come up to me and Blair at the bar, and we were approached by the dance floor. Sadly no one was particularly of interest so we had to excuse ourselves to pee more than once (Husband Material: 5/10).

Almost immediately upon entry I was recognized by a man I went on one date with who had attempted to ghost me.