night out x i <3 mess in greenwich village

a special dual letter out at the inaugural Grindr Pleasure Ball from Night Out and I <3 Mess

This is a special edition of Night Out x I <3 Mess! Grindr hosted their inaugural Pleasure Ball and Emily, as Substack’s defacto Joan Rivers writing about the intersection of mess + fashion got an industry invite and brought Jenny along. 

Jenny: I’ve been a longtime reader of Emily’s Substack even before I had a newsletter of my own. She makes me cackle at the celebrity flops, exposed undies (fingers crossed for more Vag on red carpets), and surprising wins from Addison Rae weekly. Literally I pay to read it. 

Emily: Jenny reached out to me in the early days of Mess when the idea of doing a live show was just a twinkle in my eye, and hearing from a professional comedian that I could really do it made me believe I might actually be funny too. From there, she invited me to be a part of her Met Gala watch party and we’ve been pals ever since. I’m so glad she finally started a Substack so I can follow all of her dating exploits and feel like I’m a part of the NYC nightlife scene as well without ever having to actually leave my couch.

THE STATS

• Day of the Week: Thursday

• Neighborhood: Greenwich Village

• The Fit(s): Jenny wore a burgundy ASOS empire waist Regency vibes long dress with pleather fetish wear and fake pearls from Amazon. And a sexy pair of over the knee black leather stiletto boots. The vibe was Lady Whistledown writes about this whore holding hands. Emily wore an Amazon tiara and rhinestone heart choker, a vintage YSL button down, a very old green Free People off-the-shoulder dress I got for free, Commando latex leggings, and Doc Martens. The vibe was we have Victorian at home.

• Home by 2am

PREGAME: Johnny’s Bar

Emily: Like a decade ago, I used to live in the West Village and Johnny’s Bar was the only watering hole in the neighborhood I could stand. I love a true dive and Johnny’s is that to a T. Plus, it is literally a hallway so only about 10 people can squeeze in there at a time. Ideal.

Jenny: I was late, I’m always late, and it was such a treat to see Emily on the street in full Victorian garb and to be THE ONLY PEOPLE IN COSTUME IN A DIVE BAR. We wanted to catch-up // get lubricated before heading to Grindr’s Gay Georgian, maybe fuck fest? The invite was unclear. 

Emily: The invite had a sexy pin-up dandy on it, so honestly I was prepared for anything to happen.

Jenny: Halloween took up no fewer than 100 days this year since it fell in the middle of two weekends, and this party was scheduled for the Thursday BEFORE the actual Thursday of Halloween. It was very brave to be in costume that early.

Emily: The gays take Halloween very seriously. The good news is the door guy was obsessed with my fetishwear leggings, telling me “you really did that.” So I immediately felt accepted despite being dressed completely insane in a room full of middle-aged normcore dudes.

Jenny: He has good taste. New subscriber maybe! We both went for girly Bridgerton vibes meets S&M which did feel like a hot combo to me that I should do more…

Emily: Yeah, I feel like the bondage attire really underscores the true freak naturally hidden within prim and proper Victorian garb.

Jenny: I’m into Johnny’s vibe. It’s a dive-y dive bar - narrow, no-frills, and sticky. 

Emily: When you picture a dive bar. Johnny’s is the bar. (Aesthetic: 10/10).

Jenny: And it was packed full of dudes in baseball hats which is part of the dive bar aesthetic. It actually might be a good place to meet a regular guy…if I hadn’t been wearing a tiara (Husband Material: maybe 7/10). 

Emily: And if we hadn’t been absolutely screaming about Bob Mackie and Jenny’s OnlyFans.

Jenny: I ordered a margarita, then later a tequila shot & a high noon. You never know at a dive bar if the cocktails will be drinkable, and let me tell you… it was too sweet. (Yummy-ness: 3/10). 

Emily: For sure, I had two tequila sodas that were mostly water. A well-hydrated queen.

The Game: Grindr’s Pleasure Ball 

Jenny: It needs to be stated that the party took place in an empty event space. 

Emily: The drapery was doing a lot of heavy lifting in there.

Jenny: An especially flammable party. AND they were pushing it with the candelabras and frippery. (Aesthetic: 7/10). 

everyone is slaying in BREECHES

Emily: For me, what really made the party was all the people who were wearing THE MOST INSANE COSTUMES I’VE EVER SEEN. Like fully period pieces. I felt wildly underdressed. It felt like everyone had access to Hollywood costume departments but us. So. Many. Powdered wigs.

Jenny: The gays definitely ransacked the rental houses. You couldn’t step one foot in any direction without knocking into a side hoop. Everyone was so hot. 

Emily: So hot. The hottest men I’ve ever seen in New York all in one room and all deeply uninterested in me.

Jenny: Even the staff was costumed like haunted Victorian dolls, pussy-bowed up, full smokey eyes. It was sexy! I wish everyone I worked with in my day-to-day was decked out. My barista in a kerchief. My task rabbit with a cat-eye.

Emily: We need to get the number for Grindr’s cater waiter company.

Jenny: But yes, unfortunately, all gay. A straight man would have burst into flame after stepping through the door. (Husband Material: 0/10). 

Emily: That said, it did make me realize I am fully open to a lavender marriage.

Jenny: If it worked for Fran Drescher... If it worked for Judy Garland... If it worked for Liza Minelli… We googled which celebrity women had gay husband, and what a list. Also pulled up an article: “Help! My Husband is Gay.” 

Emily: I thought they did a good job spreading out the party and the drinks across multiple rooms, but it was also a little misleading because it made me think that there was some fun activation I was missing out on just around the corner…..only to discover another empty room covered in red velvet curtains.

Jenny: There was an entire room dedicated to taking photos. A full ROOM that was more curtains, little platforms, and ring lights. We had to fight to get a turn and then it felt bad to get a turn after watching three shirtless, ripped men in powdered wigs to the gods and breeches slay. 

Emily: Like, how are you hot in a breech!!! It honestly made me mad. I was devastated by how good they were at taking thotty photos. I was humbled by their thirst traps. I have never smized that well in my entire life.

Jenny: The bar situation was perfect. It was 360 in the middle of the party. There was never a line, you could walk straight to get a themed cocktail. And they were mostly delicious, but what really tasted good is that they were free. (Yummy-ness: 6/10)

Emily: I love an open bar you can actually get a drink from. That said, one of the bartenders made me an unbelievably sour cocktail. It felt like sipping a Warhead. But again, free. So no complaints.

Jenny: We got to the party around 11pm and it was pretty empty until 1am when it ended. The DJ was mostly playing techno-beats which felt wrong. I think it should have been pop music and dance hits with a live violinist. Bridgerton meets the clurb would have been cool. Take notes Grindr PR. I know you’re reading.

Emily: Yes! I want to hear Ariana Grande’s “The Boy Is Mine” on a flute!!!!

Jenny: The entire Charli XCX discography with an orchestra on top of it!!!!!!! Give me brat handbells or give me death. (Shaking Ass Factor: 4/10). 

Emily: I was also surprised by the lack of sex and nudity in the room?? This is Grindr after all. Where are the go-go boys? The bartenders with a butt plug tail? I was expecting something a little freakier!

Jenny: Say that. 

Emily: But it also became pretty clear about halfway through the party that the reason we weren’t seeing any sex is that it was ALL happening in the bathroom. Bathrooms that we could not use to pee because there were so many people waiting in line to do drugs and get blowjobs in there.

Jenny: Sorry to not be progressive but I want my bathrooms gendered. We need a separate coke bathroom, fucking bathroom, and bathroom for girls. The three genders!

Emily: Billy Porter was one of the hosts of the night and he was not dressed on theme at all. He was just wearing Rick Owens!!

Jenny: I do not know what that means, but I’m also upset!!!!!!!!!! Billy loves to wear skirts. There has never been a better moment for a humongous skirt, no?

Emily: I think the real tea is that his husband used to be his stylist and they got divorced……

Jenny: You should Lavender Wedding Billy Porter to help him 🙂

Emily: Oh my god. Now’s my chance!!!!!!! I will say the other host Frankie Sharp nailed it. I particularly loved the fake Alexander Mcqueen Dante mask.

Jenny: We saw the same pearl choker that I was wearing in pieces, broken, on a column. It really made me feel a part of a community, something bigger than myself… Amazon. But really what a sexy community Grindr has fostered. Almost makes me want to join the app…jk I’ll get murdered.

Emily: Truly an honor just to be invited to Grindr’s first anything. 

Jenny: Especially as straight women. We really broke that glass ceiling… which was of course, covered in drapes!!!!!!

For more fashion commentary and updates on Emily’s gay husband search, follow I <3 Mess.

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